Endeavor to persevere

It has been a busy month. I'm sure you can tell that by my lack of posts. Sometimes, life gets in the way. This month it has.

I’m a bookkeeper and most companies had their year end about seven weeks ago and now we are frantically trying to get everything ready for the tax accountant. Out of nine companies, I have four ready to go, four not, and one whose year end is June 30. 50%. Not bad. If I was a baseball player I’d be a phenom.

Unfortunately, I am not a baseball player, I am a bookkeeper and this is driving me crazy.

Somewhat predictably, two of the four not ready are the ones who tell me they are most desperate to have their taxes done. I have never figured out how they expect me to do the work when they don’t supply me with any information. Am I supposed to just pull these figures out of my ass? Thin air?

There is an old joke among bookkeepers that goes something like this: A business owner is trying to hire a new bookkeeper and at the end of each interview he asks, “How much is two plus two?” “Four” is the standard answer. But at the end of one interview when he asks the question, the interviewee stands up, closes the door, pulls down the shades, leans across the desk and asks, “How much do you want it to be?” He hires her on the spot.

Now I don’t disagree with the premise that there is more room for creativity in my profession than most people realize, but nearing the middle of tax season without good information from my clients is absolutely making me nuts. I can’t be creative with numbers I don’t even have.

I was hoping by now to see the light at the end of the tunnel. No such luck.

So, I continue to endeavor to persevere. Posts may be few and far between for a couple more months. Things aren’t looking good yet, and I’m hoping the glow down the tunnel from me isn’t an oncoming train.

I must be dreaming

I don’t know about anyone else, but the years between my 18th and 24th birthdays were not my best times. That seemed to be the time in my life that I did most all of the things that, looking back, I am thoroughly ashamed of and sincerely hope no one else knows or remembers. That was most definitely my young and stupid phase.

Interestingly enough, I was brought back to those times last night in my dreams. A dear friend from high school who was party to many of the stupid things I did then was in my dreams last night. In my dream he looked as I imagine he looks today, but I don’t know for sure as I have not seen him since way back then.

He asked for my forgiveness for his behavior in those days and told me that he forgave me for the stupid things I did and said back then. He held me in his arms and we cried together for the wrongs we had done and all the years lost. Years in which we would have been friends still only we have both been too stubborn and prideful to admit how horribly we treated one another and how little either of us deserved it. We hurt each other dreadfully back then.

Many times over the years I have tried to locate him. I want in the worst way to say: “I’m sorry.”

I awoke with such a sense of peace. It was as if the conversation of my dreams really happened. In my mind it has happened about a thousand times.

I don’t suppose we really get second chances in this life. I know I wish I could undo the stupid, unkind and dangerous things from my past, but they are there, lurking, with all their warts, to haunt me. Just the opportunity to say I’m sorry would help me more than I could imagine, but to date I have been denied even that.

So here goes: “Mitchel, wherever you are, I’m sorry. So very sorry for my hurtful actions and the stupid things I said. I would like it very much if we could be friends again. I know you would be proud of me if you could see me today. I have a happy life with a loving husband and the cutest little boy in the world, but I have missed having you as a friend. I look forward to an opportunity to reconnect. Love always, Your Favorite Russian”

Looking out on the world

I have been raving to my friends about the new windows we had installed in our home last month. The bay window I splurged on has been the subject of debate and conjecture.

I finally stained the inside trim and covered the cornice board. Chris hung the blinds and cornice board this week and so the inside work is complete. I am not posting a photo of the outside until the weather warms and I have a chance to paint. Right now it remains a bit strange looking, but after exterior paint it will look like it grew there.



As you can see it is beautiful and really adds to the family room. I love it and I'm so glad I took the advice of my friends. You were right. It is just hard for me to spend that kind of money on myself, especially with my husband in the background saying . . . "You do whatever you want, dear."

This is my life

How challenging it is.

The exhaustion is emotional, mental and physical.

How can one so small take so much?

I love him.

He wears me out.

Everything is new.

The laughter flows.

The world is amazing.

The tears just come.

I am wrung like a sponge.

Days go by in a blurr.

I cannot catch my breath.

I am trapped.

Life and time flies.

Sometimes:

I yearn for yesterday.

Can I turn back the clock and relax?

Can I rediscover solitude and silence?

Oh, for a carefree day.

Will those days come again?

Will I recognize them?

Will they look like something else?

I'm getting smarter

Thankfully our son has given up on the peanutbutter toast and banana diet. He started it about the first of November and finally gave it up a couple of weeks ago. If you are considering it, I can’t say I recommend it. He did manage to both gain weight and grow while on it.

For reasons known only to himself, he decided the only things he was going to eat were peanutbutter toast and bananas. He would drink milk and juice to go along with, but not much in the way of other foods. Oh, an occasional Nutra Grain bar and Fruit Loops, but those hardly count as real food.

He went from being this sweet little baby who would eat anything and everything, with a particular fondness for vegetables, to a monster toddler who would spit out everything you put in his mouth. I learned a lot about stubbornness and toddlerhood in the past two months; things I wish I never knew.

However, we seem to be past all that. For now. I am well aware of the fact that it could return and blind-side me on some idle Tuesday.

So he is branching out again. Very slowly and very tentatively.

I find myself buying foods I never dreamed I would ever have in my house. Fish sticks. Banquet chicken nuggets, “not the Tyson brand, thank you very much, I will spit those out.” Nutra Grain bars, which I find to be a little cardboardy, but Liam loves them and at least they aren’t complete garbage. Goldfish crackers. Fruit Loops. Spaghetti-Os. In short, kid food.

He has yet to get wise to the ways in which Mom tries to trick him into eating something he likely doesn’t want. For instance, today for lunch we had green macaroni and cheese. He has recently decided that macaroni and cheese is OK. Today I threw in about ½ a cup of pureed spinach. He’s going to eat his vegetables one way or another. Actually this worked quite well, I tasted a spoon or two. Trust me when I tell you, if you don’t care for vegetables (but we all need to eat them, right?) this was the best. The color was a bit off-putting, but flavor-wise it was macaroni and cheese. Liam certainly fell for it.

I also put cooked, diced carrots in his Spaghetti-Os. That works for him, too. I don’t know how well they are actually disguised, I cannot abide Spaghetti-Os. I bought them out of desperation when we were trying to find something he would eat. Now he seems to like them, in moderation, too many days in a row is not acceptable.

So we are in the process of learning what works and doesn’t work with this new “Mr Independent” Liam. Just about the time we think we have it figured out, everything will change again, but for now we are getting smarter. I thank God that Liam continues to be cute as a bug’s ear and incredibly sweet when asleep. Both of these are very good things as I would have either given him away or smothered him otherwise.

"String too short to use"

10) I love that I call this “String too short to use.” That way no matter what day I manage to get it posted, it’s not late!

9) The Bible study I have been attending on Thursday evenings since just before Christmas is going to wrap up next week and we are going to take a week off, and then we are coming back together on February 5 for the first of 4 craft nights. I am excited. Then after that we will come back to a Bible study and then just switch back and forth. I love it. I may yet get some of my UFOs taken care of!

8) Worked my tail off today. I mentioned on Facebook that I wasn’t going to get a three-day weekend. I must work Monday. Chris is off so I have built-in childcare. He gets to be Dad for the day and I get to print W2s, W3s, 1099s and 1096s for all my clients. It will be a busy Monday for me. However, I have decided I will have a three-day weekend after all. I am taking tomorrow off. And I can do that . . . I’m the boss.

7) I live in a house of horrors. The place makes me shudder and cringe. It is so dirty and messy. My tolerance for that is better than it used to be (or worse depending on your point of view), but still, I believe we have reached patent pending. Must clean. Must clean.

6) My bay window is spectacular! I absolutely love it and it was absolutely worth it. I have to stain and finish the inside trim and then I will post the promised pics for all to see, but trust me, it is wonderful. It makes the family room seem larger and I could just stand and look out at the backyard for hours.

5) Two of my good friends and I are planning a pilgrimage to Portland. It is only three hours away, but I haven’t been there in quite some time. Fabric Depot has been calling my name. We will spend hours there and I will dream up new projects and fun things to create. It is Mecca for fabric people. 73,000 square feet of fabric, patterns and notions! What’s not to like?

4) I watched the “Golden Compass” yesterday. If you haven’t seen it, do so. It was wonderful. I love sci-fi/fantasy so it was right up my alley. The premise of daemons was fascinating to me. What a lovely idea. I have been thinking ever since about what form my daemon would take. I’m going to come up with something and give it a name, too. I guess I still have enough of a kid in me to want to believe they really could exist.

3) My mom gave Chris and I the coolest gift for Christmas. Actually it was the coolest in more ways than one. She got us a gallon of huckleberries, frozen of course. If you’ve never had them, you’re missin’ out. They have a flavor all their own, a bit like a blueberry only way, way, way much better. A gallon ain’t cheap, but it will go a long way. I am going to start by making a batch of jam this weekend and then I will still have enough left for muffins and pancakes and scones and . . . YUM!

2) Filing. I believe filing is a four-letter word. I love numbers and spreadsheets and debits and credits, but man, oh, I do not like to file. It seems to come with my profession, and I dislike it intensely. Hate is a strong word, one I don’t use very often, but I think it applies here. I hate to file.

1) If you were to pick the one thing that always makes you smile, what would it be?

Too easy: when my son, Liam, smiles, I smile.

"String MUCH too short to use"

5) There are people in this world who should be and should want to be a part of Liam’s life, both family and friends, who have never acknowledged his existence, no cards, phone calls, visits or gifts to commemorate his arrival, special days or events. This upsets me. These are people he should be connected to and they have made no effort to maintain or even begin a relationship with him. I just don’t get it, especially in light of my dad’s passing. Dad would “be here for Liam” if he possibly could, and these people could, but choose not to. It makes me both sad and angry.

4) Liam started walking three days before Christmas! It is now a constant foot race at our house. Holy *#^+ is he ever quick. He also has 1st year molars on the right side, both top and bottom. None on the left and no eye teeth yet, but his doctor had said molars could come first.

3) Thanks to our cat, we have a mouse in our house. Malcolm brought it in through the pet door and turned it loose. I can’t figure out how this stupid cat can catch mice outside, but as soon as he gets them in the house and lets them go, he is completely inept. No way can he recapture them. This one’s smarter than our previous house guests, it has managed to elude traps set on its behalf as well.

2) Our three new windows will be installed on Monday. I can’t wait. I have been frantically painting the exterior trim boards so they will match our current color scheme. Plum, doncha know. Those of you who advised me will be so proud. I said hang the expense and ordered the bay window for the family room. Never let it be said I didn’t do my part to repair the sagging economy.

1) I have been hurrying to finish paraments for ordinary time. You know, the green ones. Then a couple days ago I looked at the church’s calendar and realized: Lent is purple, Easter is white, Pentecost is red. We won’t need the green ones until sometime in June, and I must finish white and red before that! So I am now designing white and red, and then I will come back to the green.

Yes, only five this time. I couldn't come up with any more today and needed to get some of this posted before it was all oh, too late.