"String too short to use"

10) For the first time in a long time I am making resolutions for the new year. Top of the list is to take better care of myself. Because I have a two-year old, I am extremely fortunate if I manage to brush both my hair and my teeth on the same morning. In 2010, I am going to strive for a face wash as well.

9) If Liam catches sight of Chris and I hugging and kissing, he comes running up to us for a “group hug.” Chris or I one will pick him up, the three of us hug, we all say: “Mmmmmm,” then he gives each of us a kiss and says: “Youuuu (which means ‘I love you’).” It’s the best.

8) We reclaimed our house last Saturday. I love Christmas and all that the holidays bring. The decorations are so pretty and the music is beautiful. This year for the first time I felt a huge sense of peace and completion when the decorations came down. We had wonderful Christmases, but I am soooo content to have my house back to normal.

7) This Saturday, that’s tomorrow for those of you keeping score, we are going to tackle the room we call the library. What a disaster. It also functions as Chris’ office, or rather doesn’t function cause it is such a wreck right now. We are probably pissing in the wind to think cleaning it up will either help or stay, but it is either that or cut the room out of the house.

6) We, or rather I, have been on a cleaning tear this week, and I’m not done yet. There is not a single room in our house that doesn’t need attention. My husband might disagree, but he’d be wrong. It is bad. I am starting to get that closed -in, claustrophobic feeling about my shoulders, a sure sign that I am feeling crowded out by “stuff.”

5) I am so looking forward to President’s Day weekend. Join me to pray for good weather. Chris is going to Shebang, and I am going to have a houseful of women. Karen and Mom are planning on coming down. My friend, Mary Helen, and her mom and daughter are all talking about being here, too. If everyone makes it, Liam will definitely be outnumbered, but he will have a great time being spoiled. The focus for the weekend is income taxes, but I’m sure we will find time for fun as well.

4) My little dog disappeared for four hours the weekend after Thanksgiving. Mufasa was outside with Chris and I while we were hanging Christmas lights, and I vaguely heard something that sounded like firecrackers up on the hill above our house. Mufasa is scared to death of loud noises. Usually he comes and scratches at me, but this time he just took off. When we realized he was gone, we called and called. Chris searched all over the neighborhood. I just knew he was a goner. The little bugger only weighs about 5 pounds, and has very little hair. An extended length of time out in the cold would do him in, but four hours later he showed up at the door. Dirty and wet and cold and full of burrs, but very happy to be home. Scary.

3) Bunco is at my house Monday night. I still need at least one sub. Anybody?

2) I am in the process of sorting photos and trying to organize them so I can find what I want when I want. So far it isn’t working. Not sure what the answer is. Digital images are nice, but finding the one you remember seeing somewhere is a nightmare. If anyone out there has a thought on how best to make this work, I’m all ears.

1) If you had to choose the best book ever, which book would get the prize? My motive here is selfish. I am looking to put together a reading list for 2010. Help! I intend to start out with an old favorite of mine: “The Atonement of Ashley Morden” by Fred Bodsworth. It is long out of print, but if you ever find one, give it a read. I have a copy, but you would have to come to my house to read it. I love you, but it is not a book I let out of my sight.

Putting Liam to bed

Bedtime at our house goes something like this.

Chris takes Liam upstairs with him yelling “Stop” and “No” all the way. Once they get to the top and begin the teeth brushing and diaper changing and pajama donning, he stops yelling and is generally cooperative.

When his teeth are scrubbed and jammies on, Liam hollers “Mom.” Then it is time for me to go up. I straighten his bed and hand him his pony and blanket while he sits on Chris’ lap in the rocking chair. I give/get kisses and head back downstairs while Chris sings to Liam and rocks him.

This part of the routine works well. It is later that the system breaks down and runs off the rails.

Liam has taken to getting out of bed three to five times each evening after Chris has put him there. It is very frustrating. Chris and I only have just a couple of hours, at most, from the time Liam goes to bed until we crash ourselves. Time for us to talk and try to maintain our own relationship.

Once he is in bed the first time, we take turns going up and putting him back.

When becomes my second or third turn, I find myself flying up the stairs with the intent of swatting him on the butt and really giving him what for. I get to the top of the stairs telling him to: “Get back to bed.” Then I have to follow this tiny-little, bow-legged guy in footie jammies down the hall to his room. It tugs at my heartstrings every time, and inevitably I tuck him gently into bed and caress his hair and sing to him and tell him how much Mommy would like it if he would stay in bed this time. I am the biggest pushover in the world when it comes to this cute little dude.

I just don’t get it. I am generally pretty tough. The whole time I was pregnant I worried I would be too harsh as a parent. I am surprised and pleased that it hasn’t turned out that way.

Reversing roles

Back in August my mom’s eye doctor discovered a problem in her left eye. The lower lashes were growing inward and he thought she might need to have them cauterized.

Turns out the problem is more serious than that. The lower lid of her left eye is turning inward. This is causing the eyelashes to poke her in the eye. The lid issue can be resolved with surgery, but unless the underlying condition is treated, the eyelid will begin to turn inward again and within one to five years she could be right back where she is today.

My sister and I took Mom to Portland, Oregon, about three weeks ago to have specialists at the Casey Eye Institute look at her eye. After two consultations and a myriad of tests, including a biopsy of the tissue inside the eyelid, we headed home. Last week we found out the results of the biopsy were inconclusive. It showed something the doctors did not expect. They want to do a second biopsy.

One of the diseases which can cause this is an autoimmune disease the doctors call OCP. It is similar to rheumatoid arthritis only it attacks the mucus membranes instead of the joints. If this is what she has, it must be treated with mild, oral chemotherapy drugs to prevent the white blood cells from attacking the mucus membranes. The other possibility is something which can be treated with eye drops. Because there is such a huge difference in treatments, the doctors want to be very certain what we are dealing with and so do we.

My mom has never been sick a day in her life. She was only ever in the hospital to have her children. The woman is 68 years old and takes not a single drug. She takes a multivitamin and a glucosamine chondroitin supplement. That’s it. The result is this problem with her eye has her totally freaked out. I think she has now seen five different doctors and we are now trying to figure out how to get her back to Portland to see one of them a second time.

Mom lives 285 miles from me and I live 180 miles from Portland. Normally she drives herself wherever she needs to go, but with the vision issues she is having with her left eye, she is not necessarily comfortable driving all the way to my house, and driving herself to Portland is completely out of the question.

I have been struggling all week to coordinate a trip to Portland for her. Getting her here and then on to Portland when the doctor who can do the biopsy is in and when the pathologist who can read the biopsy is available, because if the tissue sets too long it is no longer viable to show what they need to see, and when I have someone to watch my two-year old and on a day when I don’t have work to do for my own business. Argh!

I told my husband this is very stressful for me. He asked me what part exactly was causing me the most stress. After thinking about it for a bit, I realized the most stressful thing about all this is the role reversal that has taken place between me and my mom.

My mom has always been a strong person, able to take care of whatever needed to be taken care of. This is the first time in my recollection she has ever seemed unable to cope.

Having to take on the adult role in our relationship has been an uneasy transition, and not one I’m particularly enamored with. I suppose it is inevitable, but that doesn’t mean I have to like it. It is not that I am incapable of doing the job, so to speak, but it feels very strange.

She’s the mom. Seeing her vulnerable and incapable of making the decisions that need to be made is disheartening and a little scary for me.

I’m not lovin’ it and I do have to wonder how Mom really feels about all this.

Ogg attempts lame poetry

Blogging has become most difficult to do,
Ever since Liam turned two!

“String to short to use”

10) My mom and her sister (my auntie) came for a visit a couple weeks ago. We had great fun. It had actually been over a month since I’d seen Mom so we had lots to talk about. We didn’t do anything spectacular, but had good food and plenty of time to catch up. The first night they were here, Liam made us all get up and dance after dinner. There was no music, but he was dancing in the dining room and insisted we all dance too. We got our evening calisthenics out of the way.

9) I am struggling with spiritual issues. Faith is one of those “just when you think you have it figured out” kinds of things. I’m beginning to think it might be time to drop back five yards and punt. Of course, faith is also one of the hardest things to discuss and be open about.

8) “Mine” is the most common word in Liam’s vocabulary. I’m not sure how to convince him that everything in the world does not belong to him. Thank God he has to interact with other kids at day care two days a week. I’m hoping that will help him learn to relate to and share with children his own age. It is hard to know what’s the right thing to do.

7) I cut off all my hair earlier this month. Well, actually, I didn’t do it. I paid someone who knows what they are doing to do it. I think it looks pretty good. My hair was so damaged by color and a bad perm I couldn’t even get a comb through it. TerryAnn managed to get rid of a lot of the damage and used a demi-shade to return me to my natural color. For those of you keeping score, my natural color is a kind of golden brown. I am trying to like it.

6) How do I know if a Bible study I am leading is going well? The discussion seem lively enough and the book we are using is interesting. Everyone seems to be enjoying it, but am I really doing a decent job of this?

5) I am trying really hard to keep all my posts from being about Liam. It is hard because he is such a big part of my world these days. I do do other things, just not many and apparently they are not very noteworthy. I guess that is just the life of a mom of a two-year old. Sometimes that gets to me, but he is so very cute and we do have a lot of fun. So, if you end up reading an awful lot about the life and times of Liam, so be it. I guess you can just stop reading whenever you want.

4) Thursdays have notoriously been the worst day of my week. Something happened this summer to change all that. My friend, Nancy, had this idea that a bunch of us should get together and work on our PIGS or UFOs or whatever you want to call them. It certainly has brightened my Thursdays.

3) I can’t believe how easy it is to let the television become a babysitter. Liam loves to watch movies and football. He is learning from Chris and I to turn on the TV and leave it on as background noise, something we do with alarming regularity. We need to stop our bad television habits before they become Liam’s bad television habits. I guess I didn’t realize how often we did this until Liam came along and by example pointed it out to us. Yike!

2) Overnight it seems our trees and bushes changed from green to gold and red. The backyard has become a golden canopy and the bushes in front truly do look as though they are on fire. I guess they don’t call them “burning bushes” for nothing. At any rate, my favorite time of year is here. I wish I had more time to enjoy it, but life and duty calls.

1) Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom. I’m considering changing my name. I don’t mind it when he has something on his mind, but it can really get on my nerves when it becomes a non-stop refrain.

I choose to choose

Normally you will not read about politics here. I don’t like politics. I have a husband who teaches social studies and is a complete news addict. Politics makes me hurl. That said, one of my facebook friends, a guy I went to high school with, posted a comment today that made me see red, no pun intended.

There is, as I see it, a fundamental flaw in Republican rhetoric. It is one I noticed a long time ago, but never bothered to point it out to anyone. I’ll probably regret this, but here goes:

“-- individual liberty! personal responsibility! a small government! low taxes! not much bureaucracy! entrepreneurial spirit!”

How can Republicans be for individual liberty, but against a woman’s right to choose what to do with her own body?

Is it because we’re women?

Is individual liberty for men only?

Why is it that a three-day background check for the purchase of a gun is protested as an intolerable "inconvenience,” but a woman who chooses not to carry a pregnancy to term is condemned for acting out of "personal convenience." Huh?

So its like this: Don’t tell me what to do in the privacy of my own home, but please tell my wife/girlfriend/sister/daughter what to do in the privacy of her own body.

Why?

Because she’s too stupid to know what she wants?

Because she can’t be trusted to make the right decision for her own life?

Because as a woman she has no rights?

Because as a woman she is considered chattel?

Do Republicans really not see the oxy-moron inherent in this stance? Do they really not see that this is contradictory at best and sexual discrimination at worst?

As a final comment . . . argh! This is me tearing my hair out.

10 Awesome Things

For all my friends at Choose Awesome and anyone else who might be interested.

10) Doing one thing each day that scares me. Although being a Mom scares me to death, I do still try most days to do an additional thing that scares me just to make sure I keep on my toes.

9) Autumn. Fall. A rose by any other name . . . I absolutely LOVE this time of year.

8) Liam. My treasured son. He is awesome every single day and I get to be his mommy which has to be the most awesome responsibility ever.

7) My church community and the outlet they have given me to exercise my spiritual gifts.

6) Nancy, Jill & I started a little sewing circle. We meet every Thursday at 10 a.m. There is room for more. Care to join us?

5) The amazing body God has given each of us. Although mine looks more like a warehouse than a temple, I am determined to take steps to change that.

4) My mom: “more powerful than a locomotive.”

3) Fresh peaches. They have been exceptional this year.

2) The CD player in my car spontaneously starting working again. It took a six month hiatus, but I have tunes again and I am soooo happy!

1) Christmas music. It’s the best and I will listen to it year ‘round just as soon as my husband goes deaf.