Putting Liam to bed

Bedtime at our house goes something like this.

Chris takes Liam upstairs with him yelling “Stop” and “No” all the way. Once they get to the top and begin the teeth brushing and diaper changing and pajama donning, he stops yelling and is generally cooperative.

When his teeth are scrubbed and jammies on, Liam hollers “Mom.” Then it is time for me to go up. I straighten his bed and hand him his pony and blanket while he sits on Chris’ lap in the rocking chair. I give/get kisses and head back downstairs while Chris sings to Liam and rocks him.

This part of the routine works well. It is later that the system breaks down and runs off the rails.

Liam has taken to getting out of bed three to five times each evening after Chris has put him there. It is very frustrating. Chris and I only have just a couple of hours, at most, from the time Liam goes to bed until we crash ourselves. Time for us to talk and try to maintain our own relationship.

Once he is in bed the first time, we take turns going up and putting him back.

When becomes my second or third turn, I find myself flying up the stairs with the intent of swatting him on the butt and really giving him what for. I get to the top of the stairs telling him to: “Get back to bed.” Then I have to follow this tiny-little, bow-legged guy in footie jammies down the hall to his room. It tugs at my heartstrings every time, and inevitably I tuck him gently into bed and caress his hair and sing to him and tell him how much Mommy would like it if he would stay in bed this time. I am the biggest pushover in the world when it comes to this cute little dude.

I just don’t get it. I am generally pretty tough. The whole time I was pregnant I worried I would be too harsh as a parent. I am surprised and pleased that it hasn’t turned out that way.

Reversing roles

Back in August my mom’s eye doctor discovered a problem in her left eye. The lower lashes were growing inward and he thought she might need to have them cauterized.

Turns out the problem is more serious than that. The lower lid of her left eye is turning inward. This is causing the eyelashes to poke her in the eye. The lid issue can be resolved with surgery, but unless the underlying condition is treated, the eyelid will begin to turn inward again and within one to five years she could be right back where she is today.

My sister and I took Mom to Portland, Oregon, about three weeks ago to have specialists at the Casey Eye Institute look at her eye. After two consultations and a myriad of tests, including a biopsy of the tissue inside the eyelid, we headed home. Last week we found out the results of the biopsy were inconclusive. It showed something the doctors did not expect. They want to do a second biopsy.

One of the diseases which can cause this is an autoimmune disease the doctors call OCP. It is similar to rheumatoid arthritis only it attacks the mucus membranes instead of the joints. If this is what she has, it must be treated with mild, oral chemotherapy drugs to prevent the white blood cells from attacking the mucus membranes. The other possibility is something which can be treated with eye drops. Because there is such a huge difference in treatments, the doctors want to be very certain what we are dealing with and so do we.

My mom has never been sick a day in her life. She was only ever in the hospital to have her children. The woman is 68 years old and takes not a single drug. She takes a multivitamin and a glucosamine chondroitin supplement. That’s it. The result is this problem with her eye has her totally freaked out. I think she has now seen five different doctors and we are now trying to figure out how to get her back to Portland to see one of them a second time.

Mom lives 285 miles from me and I live 180 miles from Portland. Normally she drives herself wherever she needs to go, but with the vision issues she is having with her left eye, she is not necessarily comfortable driving all the way to my house, and driving herself to Portland is completely out of the question.

I have been struggling all week to coordinate a trip to Portland for her. Getting her here and then on to Portland when the doctor who can do the biopsy is in and when the pathologist who can read the biopsy is available, because if the tissue sets too long it is no longer viable to show what they need to see, and when I have someone to watch my two-year old and on a day when I don’t have work to do for my own business. Argh!

I told my husband this is very stressful for me. He asked me what part exactly was causing me the most stress. After thinking about it for a bit, I realized the most stressful thing about all this is the role reversal that has taken place between me and my mom.

My mom has always been a strong person, able to take care of whatever needed to be taken care of. This is the first time in my recollection she has ever seemed unable to cope.

Having to take on the adult role in our relationship has been an uneasy transition, and not one I’m particularly enamored with. I suppose it is inevitable, but that doesn’t mean I have to like it. It is not that I am incapable of doing the job, so to speak, but it feels very strange.

She’s the mom. Seeing her vulnerable and incapable of making the decisions that need to be made is disheartening and a little scary for me.

I’m not lovin’ it and I do have to wonder how Mom really feels about all this.

Ogg attempts lame poetry

Blogging has become most difficult to do,
Ever since Liam turned two!

“String to short to use”

10) My mom and her sister (my auntie) came for a visit a couple weeks ago. We had great fun. It had actually been over a month since I’d seen Mom so we had lots to talk about. We didn’t do anything spectacular, but had good food and plenty of time to catch up. The first night they were here, Liam made us all get up and dance after dinner. There was no music, but he was dancing in the dining room and insisted we all dance too. We got our evening calisthenics out of the way.

9) I am struggling with spiritual issues. Faith is one of those “just when you think you have it figured out” kinds of things. I’m beginning to think it might be time to drop back five yards and punt. Of course, faith is also one of the hardest things to discuss and be open about.

8) “Mine” is the most common word in Liam’s vocabulary. I’m not sure how to convince him that everything in the world does not belong to him. Thank God he has to interact with other kids at day care two days a week. I’m hoping that will help him learn to relate to and share with children his own age. It is hard to know what’s the right thing to do.

7) I cut off all my hair earlier this month. Well, actually, I didn’t do it. I paid someone who knows what they are doing to do it. I think it looks pretty good. My hair was so damaged by color and a bad perm I couldn’t even get a comb through it. TerryAnn managed to get rid of a lot of the damage and used a demi-shade to return me to my natural color. For those of you keeping score, my natural color is a kind of golden brown. I am trying to like it.

6) How do I know if a Bible study I am leading is going well? The discussion seem lively enough and the book we are using is interesting. Everyone seems to be enjoying it, but am I really doing a decent job of this?

5) I am trying really hard to keep all my posts from being about Liam. It is hard because he is such a big part of my world these days. I do do other things, just not many and apparently they are not very noteworthy. I guess that is just the life of a mom of a two-year old. Sometimes that gets to me, but he is so very cute and we do have a lot of fun. So, if you end up reading an awful lot about the life and times of Liam, so be it. I guess you can just stop reading whenever you want.

4) Thursdays have notoriously been the worst day of my week. Something happened this summer to change all that. My friend, Nancy, had this idea that a bunch of us should get together and work on our PIGS or UFOs or whatever you want to call them. It certainly has brightened my Thursdays.

3) I can’t believe how easy it is to let the television become a babysitter. Liam loves to watch movies and football. He is learning from Chris and I to turn on the TV and leave it on as background noise, something we do with alarming regularity. We need to stop our bad television habits before they become Liam’s bad television habits. I guess I didn’t realize how often we did this until Liam came along and by example pointed it out to us. Yike!

2) Overnight it seems our trees and bushes changed from green to gold and red. The backyard has become a golden canopy and the bushes in front truly do look as though they are on fire. I guess they don’t call them “burning bushes” for nothing. At any rate, my favorite time of year is here. I wish I had more time to enjoy it, but life and duty calls.

1) Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom. I’m considering changing my name. I don’t mind it when he has something on his mind, but it can really get on my nerves when it becomes a non-stop refrain.

I choose to choose

Normally you will not read about politics here. I don’t like politics. I have a husband who teaches social studies and is a complete news addict. Politics makes me hurl. That said, one of my facebook friends, a guy I went to high school with, posted a comment today that made me see red, no pun intended.

There is, as I see it, a fundamental flaw in Republican rhetoric. It is one I noticed a long time ago, but never bothered to point it out to anyone. I’ll probably regret this, but here goes:

“-- individual liberty! personal responsibility! a small government! low taxes! not much bureaucracy! entrepreneurial spirit!”

How can Republicans be for individual liberty, but against a woman’s right to choose what to do with her own body?

Is it because we’re women?

Is individual liberty for men only?

Why is it that a three-day background check for the purchase of a gun is protested as an intolerable "inconvenience,” but a woman who chooses not to carry a pregnancy to term is condemned for acting out of "personal convenience." Huh?

So its like this: Don’t tell me what to do in the privacy of my own home, but please tell my wife/girlfriend/sister/daughter what to do in the privacy of her own body.

Why?

Because she’s too stupid to know what she wants?

Because she can’t be trusted to make the right decision for her own life?

Because as a woman she has no rights?

Because as a woman she is considered chattel?

Do Republicans really not see the oxy-moron inherent in this stance? Do they really not see that this is contradictory at best and sexual discrimination at worst?

As a final comment . . . argh! This is me tearing my hair out.

10 Awesome Things

For all my friends at Choose Awesome and anyone else who might be interested.

10) Doing one thing each day that scares me. Although being a Mom scares me to death, I do still try most days to do an additional thing that scares me just to make sure I keep on my toes.

9) Autumn. Fall. A rose by any other name . . . I absolutely LOVE this time of year.

8) Liam. My treasured son. He is awesome every single day and I get to be his mommy which has to be the most awesome responsibility ever.

7) My church community and the outlet they have given me to exercise my spiritual gifts.

6) Nancy, Jill & I started a little sewing circle. We meet every Thursday at 10 a.m. There is room for more. Care to join us?

5) The amazing body God has given each of us. Although mine looks more like a warehouse than a temple, I am determined to take steps to change that.

4) My mom: “more powerful than a locomotive.”

3) Fresh peaches. They have been exceptional this year.

2) The CD player in my car spontaneously starting working again. It took a six month hiatus, but I have tunes again and I am soooo happy!

1) Christmas music. It’s the best and I will listen to it year ‘round just as soon as my husband goes deaf.

There will be peace

I am alone.

Don’t feel sorry for me. This is in a good way. Solitude is rejuvenation for the soul. Loneliness is something else entirely. This weekend I intend to enjoy my aloneness. It doesn’t happen very often these days, so I will revel.

I will mop the kitchen/nook floor. At our house, with a two-year old under foot, it doesn’t happen nearly as often as it should. Now I know most of you are thinking: “Well, why can’t she just mop the floor while the kid is napping?” Technically I could, but mopping is therapy and not something to be rushed or taken lightly. Several years ago we replaced our ugly vinyl flooring with beautiful stone tiles. A thorough mopping is all they need to look spectacular. Thus I will be Zen mopping at some point this weekend.

I will bathe Mufasa, my dog, and give him a haircut. This is another task that is difficult to do with Mr Inquisitive living at my house. Mufasa was my first “baby.” He and I will spend some quality time this weekend.

I will layout the blocks of my current quilting project on the floor in the family room and decide what order they should be in. Again, one of those tasks made absolutely impossible with an extremely energetic rug rat in the house.

I will blog. I have been sadly neglecting my blog for the past several months. I am hoping to give some much needed attention to both it and my journal.

I will linger in the shower because I don’t have to worry about Liam waking up in the middle of my ablutions and opening the curtain saying: “Mom. Mom. Mom.”

I will eat strange foods that I cannot get my husband to eat.

I will stay up too late and get up too early.

I will watch chick flicks.

I will revel.

It will be a quiet, introspective weekend which will end on Sunday at 5 p.m. when Chris and Liam get home from Grandma’s. I can’t wait to see them . . . I miss them both.