Twenty-two years ago my first husband and I divorced. Like most divorces, there was a myriad of reasons for it. As I look back today, however, the biggest and most constant reason was the man’s overwhelming neediness. When I left him and thought about it, I swore I would never again saddle myself with someone who needed me that much.
He was incapable of accomplishing basic household tasks. He was incapable of making simple or complex life decisions. He could not manage on his own for any length of time. He had no comprehension of how to be without me.
It drove me crazy. Being indispensable sucks. You have no freedom to be your own person, and you have no space to be that person and sometimes it is hard to even remember who that person might be.
I swore I would never saddle myself with someone who smothered me that much. Never again would I tolerate anyone’s dependence on me for their every need. The feeling of losing my identity into a role I was forced to play was not for me.
And now . . . I have a three-year old.
6 hours ago