Tuesday, May 24, 2011

"String too short to use"

10) Never, never, never ask a woman if she is pregnant. Unless you can see a tiny hand, foot or head protruding from her body, it is best to just not ask. It is embarrassing for you and humiliating for her if she has to tell you “No.” Some of us are just rounder than others and you would do well to remember that the next time you are thinking about asking this potentially most embarrassing question.

9) Overnight it seems my son has outgrown every pair of shoes he owns. Unreal. Sunday morning as we were getting ready for church we discovered, with the exception of a pair of flips flops, we could get his feet into exactly one pair of shoes and as this was the pair with the smallest number on the bottom, we knew they didn’t really fit either. We had to just jam his feet into them and get through it. On the way home from church, he and I stopped at the shoe store. The sales clerk measured his feet. His largest pair of shoes was a 7, his foot measures an 8½. Oh, help.

8) For Mother’s Day I drug my husband into the Montavilla Sewing Center and showed him my dream sewing machine . . . and went home with one! It is a BabyLock Symphony and it is marvelous. It has all the wonderful features that cause a crafter like me to drool uncontrollably. Needless to say I have been spending every free moment sitting behind it dreaming and creating. Yea!

7) Work. Work has really been getting in the way of my play lately. I have to keep reminding myself that work is what pays for my play, but right now with the fine weather finally here and new ideas blossoming everywhere, it is a tough sell.

6) While I was at Quilt Camp earlier this month I discovered a new outlet for my creativity and passion. Suttle Lake Camp hosts Strength for the Journey at the camp in August. Strength for the Journey is a camp for men with HIV/AIDS. Each summer 50-75 men come to the camp for about four days to be nurtured and fed. They come for time to reflect, rest and gain strength in an atmosphere of peace and acceptance. Quilts are given to them as part of the activities of the camp. Quilts? Yes! I am hoping to get two done in time for the camp this summer.

5) Small boy turns four on Sunday. Yike! On top of his feet overnight no longer fitting in his shoes, big changes are in store over the next few months. He is so ready to go to school. Of course, he wants to ride the bus and I haven’t had the heart to tell him he won’t get to do that until Kindergarten. He’s going to be disappointed about it, but I still think he will love school.

4) When you put yourself out there and get shut down time after time, it becomes difficult to want to even bother. I have a small circle of friends who seem to understand me and for that I am extremely grateful. It has always been difficult for me to open up and make new friends and I am always so excited to find someone new who seems to like me . . . for whatever reason. I feel like I have a lot to give, but struggle with finding people who want what I have to share.

3) I have high hopes for my church family. We are getting a new pastor in July and someone collaborative would go a long way to helping us recover from the past eight years of minimalism.

2) My mom really wants Liam and I to come see her in July. CJE will be counseling at horse camp and there isn’t any reason Liam and I couldn’t go see Grandma. Except for the high cost of fuel. I haven’t figured out how I can afford to send CJE out of town one direction and Liam and I another. So how do I tell her we would love to see her, but just plain can’t afford the trip?

1) If you had to name the most incredible thing a friend has ever done for you, what would it be?

My friend Kathy Anderson gets this one. When I was about to be sent home from the hospital (45 miles away) after having Liam, but they were going to keep him, Kathy came and helped me situate things so I could stay in the Pediatric Ward with Liam and sent her pastor to visit with me as well. Asking for help is such a difficult thing. Swallowing my pride and admitting “I can’t” was the hardest thing I have ever done, and Kathy came through for me in a big way.

Sunday, May 15, 2011

Peace located

I have found my peace. I have carved out a meager few hours of solitude in the craziness that is being the mother of my almost-4-year old, Liam. The only trouble is; it is Sunday mornings from 10:00 to noon or thereabouts while, you guessed it, CJE and Liam are at church.

Before Liam came along I was a faithful church-goer. After he came along my attendance became sporadic, and once he started to walk it became all but non-existent.

On one level I don’t have a problem with this. I am spiritually fed in other ways besides church every Sunday and the traditional Sunday sermon. The quiet solitude of my Sunday mornings has become sacrosanct and I absolutely don’t wish to give that up. It has become my time of introspection and meditation. Two things which are absolutely necessary for me to experience life on an even keel.

Another side of me is telling me there is immeasurable value in the fellowship of like-minded Christians and I am really missing out by not attending the service and gleaning said value with/from my church family. There is a peace and growth factor gained by being a part of a nurturing body of Christ, and I know this.

At this juncture I am very unsure which way to jump.

Liam will turn four two weeks from today. His normal MO is 90 miles an hour through the house; Mom, Mom, Mom-ing all the way. After a few days of this my brain seizes up and refuses to function properly and I feel a bit like the Goldie Hawn character in Overboard sitting on the corner of the couch staring into nothingness saying: “Buh-Buh-Buh-Buh.” The only therapy that seems to work for this condition is a quiet hour or three of solitude, a time when no one says my name and the only demands on my time are my own.

I struggle with the selfishness of it. I know my place is in a pew with my family, but if that is the choice I make; how do I keep from locking my son in a closet later in the week so I can have the peace my mind so desperately craves? How do I keep from becoming a screaming shrew by Thursday whom nobody wants to be around, let alone live with?

I really do feel I am doing this for my own sanity. Whether it is truly selfish or not is debatable. After all if Momma is happy, ain’t everybody happy?

Friday, May 6, 2011

Quilt Camp

I spent last weekend in the Cascade Mountains at Quilt Camp! It was delightful, insightful and refreshing.

It snowed. I think all 22 of us were hoping to get snowed in so we could just stay and play, but the three inches that fell was gone within a few hours.
We were warm and toasty inside the lodge with our machines, projects and fellowship.
I will write more about the art of it all later. I am still trying to internalize most of the thoughts and ideas which were flowing through the place. Suffice it to say we had a marvelous time and that’s why I return year after year.