"String too short to use"

10) When you are the mom of a two-year old, a disposable diaper becomes part of the centerpiece on your diningroom table: out of the diaper bag onto the table, off of the table into the purse, out of the purse back onto the table, off of the table back into the diaper bag. Round and round it goes until it finally finds its way onto the bum of a small boy.

9) January is almost over. Yay! When you are a bookkeeper, not a CPA, January becomes a very busy month. W-2s and W-3s have to go out by the end of the month. 941s, 940s and Oregon quarterlies, accompanied by their payments, have to be mailed by month’s end. 1096s and 1099s have to be ordered, because the local office supply place is out, and then filled out and sent by the end of February. Plus, all my business want to have their stuff all completed for 2009 and to the CPA for income taxes. Just a few more days of this nuttiness. Whew!

8) “I been jugglin’, strugglin’, closin’ big deals, dancin’ backwards in high heels.” Much to my dismay, I can no longer even consider wearing high heels. Just thinking about them makes my feet hurt. Being diabetic makes the condition of my feet of paramount importance, and high heels have become out of the question. No more sexy shoes for me. Blech.

7) Finishing a project is one of the best feelings in the whole world. However, I have come to realize not everyone is like me and has several projects going at once. In fact, when we started our PIGS group, one of the gals confessed that she has NO unfinished projects. What?! How can that be? This prompted me, just out of curiosity, to count my unfinished projects. Now, this is actual projects started, but incomplete. Not just thought about or materials purchased for, but actually started, a seam is sewn, a stitch has been taken, paint has been applied or . . . I have 16. Do you think that might be too many?

6) I am working on believing I am capable of amazing, awesome and wondrous things. I don’t know what exactly, but I need to believe it. Everyone needs a little boost to their self-esteem on a regular basis. It is nice when it comes from other people, but sometimes you just have to reiterate it to yourself over and over again. Like a litany: “You can do it. You are awesome.”

5) I am deliberately taking Thursdays off nowadays. Thursdays have long been the worst day of my week. If I was having a bad day I could look at the calendar and . . . Yep, it’s Thursday. I figured, if I take Thursdays off, it makes me look forward to Thursdays and we do something fun and it is a great day. Yay! Mission accomplished.

4) Thank God for my family and friends. I have days, many of them, where I don’t feel like I’m really up to this whole motherhood thing. I love Liam to pieces, but I don’t feel like I’m a very good mother. I think God was crazy to trust me with this precious life. I’m so afraid I’m going to screw him up. My family and friends have graciously told me, sometimes over and over, that he is a sweet, happy and healthy little boy, so I must be doing something right. Lord, I hope they are right and I am wrong.

3) Mid-winter cleaning is progressing. We are slowly working our way through the house. Trying very hard to do major urban renewal without Ruth. She is no help and being RUTHLESS is the only way to find space in the closets and drawers around here. Ha!

2) Was absolutely ecstatic to hear from my dear friend Mags yesterday. She bought her dream car and I am so very thrilled for her. I know that feeling and it is a great one. I was also happy to find my method of vehicle purchasing works for others as well. I find big ticket items like cars to be impulse items. If Wal-Mart carried them, they would be right next to the checkstand, like a candy bar, so you could just grab one on your way out.

1) Trying hard to make it all work. One day at a time,

Give me land, lots of land . . .

We are considering land.

Chris and I are both of the opinion a little land would be nice to have. Not a lot, just enough for some fruit trees and a nice garden space. Just enough to ensure our neighbors are not right on top of us.

We have been thinking this way for some time, but also recognizing a great deal of work must come before (during and after) any move. That’s the part we’d both like to avoid, but because I know avoidance = procrastination, I am ready to grab the proverbial bull by the horns and get to it. Chris . . . not so much. This is where the plan runs off the rails.

Through a realtor client of mine, I have located a piece of bare ground outside of town which already has a well and is DEQ approved for septic. It is on a paved road. It is two acres. It has power on a pole at the road right in front of the acreage. We haven’t been to see it yet, but I want to. The price is right and if the owner will carry a short-term contract until we can sell our place, we could soon be the proud owners of a couple of acres northeast of town.

Then, down around the corner from us, there is a place I’d like to look at. It is two acres with a house already on it and from the pictures it looks like one I might like. I want to check it out. If we don’t like it there are a couple of other listings I might be interest in seeing. This process could take awhile, but if we don’t start somewhere, we will retire right where we are and neither of us really wants that.

It will take time to sell our place. Some work must be done to it before we can even consider putting it on the market. And, let’s face it, the market is not great right now. Still, if we don’t list it, we’ll never sell it.

Buying and selling real estate is a logistical nightmare. I know this. That doesn’t really deter me. I want a single story house. I have had enough of carrying laundry and Liam up and down the stairs. I want a bigger kitchen. I am tired of moving stuff around and around my kitchen in order to have room on the counters to actually cook. And, as I already mentioned, I’d like a garden and some fruit trees.

Chris agrees with all this, but still gets a “deer in the headlights” look whenever I start to talk about it. I think he’s afraid I’m planning on moving tomorrow. I would if I could, but I can’t so I won’t. However, I really just don’t see any point in putting off the things that have to be done to make this dream a reality. The more we put it off the longer it will take and the harder it will be to actually get ourselves motivated to do it. Even the largest project has to start somewhere.

We are both agreed this will be our last move before they plant us, so it has to be the right house and the right piece of ground. We don’t expect perfection, but it would be nice to have several of our wants met.

Realistically we both know this could take some time. That’s why I want to get started now. Neither of us are getting any younger, and I’d like to have this done before Liam starts school somewhere so we don’t have to uproot him. I’ll keep you posted on our progress.

Finding bliss

I saw the word bliss awhile back on a friend’s Facebook note.

Bliss.

It’s an odd word. It is not a word I think about much. I’m not sure it’s a word that fits into my life. Is my life too prosaic for bliss? Work, cooking, cleaning, baths, laundry, diapers, breakfast, lunch, dinner . . . bliss?

What exactly is bliss? I think it must be one of those things that is different for everyone.

Some people think bliss is escaping to the mountains or the seashore, and maybe it is, but that seems to limit bliss too much for my taste. I would like bliss to be a more everyday word. Can I carve out a little time each day for bliss?

Likely it would have to be different each day. Perhaps it is already there and I just have to learn to recognize it when it happens.

Some days bliss would be spending time in my sewing room.

Most days bliss is holding my son for a few moments after I have rocked him to sleep. Holding a sleeping baby definitely qualifies as bliss.

That’s all I got for now. What is your bliss?

"String too short to use"

10) For the first time in a long time I am making resolutions for the new year. Top of the list is to take better care of myself. Because I have a two-year old, I am extremely fortunate if I manage to brush both my hair and my teeth on the same morning. In 2010, I am going to strive for a face wash as well.

9) If Liam catches sight of Chris and I hugging and kissing, he comes running up to us for a “group hug.” Chris or I one will pick him up, the three of us hug, we all say: “Mmmmmm,” then he gives each of us a kiss and says: “Youuuu (which means ‘I love you’).” It’s the best.

8) We reclaimed our house last Saturday. I love Christmas and all that the holidays bring. The decorations are so pretty and the music is beautiful. This year for the first time I felt a huge sense of peace and completion when the decorations came down. We had wonderful Christmases, but I am soooo content to have my house back to normal.

7) This Saturday, that’s tomorrow for those of you keeping score, we are going to tackle the room we call the library. What a disaster. It also functions as Chris’ office, or rather doesn’t function cause it is such a wreck right now. We are probably pissing in the wind to think cleaning it up will either help or stay, but it is either that or cut the room out of the house.

6) We, or rather I, have been on a cleaning tear this week, and I’m not done yet. There is not a single room in our house that doesn’t need attention. My husband might disagree, but he’d be wrong. It is bad. I am starting to get that closed -in, claustrophobic feeling about my shoulders, a sure sign that I am feeling crowded out by “stuff.”

5) I am so looking forward to President’s Day weekend. Join me to pray for good weather. Chris is going to Shebang, and I am going to have a houseful of women. Karen and Mom are planning on coming down. My friend, Mary Helen, and her mom and daughter are all talking about being here, too. If everyone makes it, Liam will definitely be outnumbered, but he will have a great time being spoiled. The focus for the weekend is income taxes, but I’m sure we will find time for fun as well.

4) My little dog disappeared for four hours the weekend after Thanksgiving. Mufasa was outside with Chris and I while we were hanging Christmas lights, and I vaguely heard something that sounded like firecrackers up on the hill above our house. Mufasa is scared to death of loud noises. Usually he comes and scratches at me, but this time he just took off. When we realized he was gone, we called and called. Chris searched all over the neighborhood. I just knew he was a goner. The little bugger only weighs about 5 pounds, and has very little hair. An extended length of time out in the cold would do him in, but four hours later he showed up at the door. Dirty and wet and cold and full of burrs, but very happy to be home. Scary.

3) Bunco is at my house Monday night. I still need at least one sub. Anybody?

2) I am in the process of sorting photos and trying to organize them so I can find what I want when I want. So far it isn’t working. Not sure what the answer is. Digital images are nice, but finding the one you remember seeing somewhere is a nightmare. If anyone out there has a thought on how best to make this work, I’m all ears.

1) If you had to choose the best book ever, which book would get the prize? My motive here is selfish. I am looking to put together a reading list for 2010. Help! I intend to start out with an old favorite of mine: “The Atonement of Ashley Morden” by Fred Bodsworth. It is long out of print, but if you ever find one, give it a read. I have a copy, but you would have to come to my house to read it. I love you, but it is not a book I let out of my sight.