Thursday, July 29, 2010

In fond memory of

I am struggling this week.

We received the devastating news Sunday morning that CJE’s younger brother, David, died suddenly of an aneurysm Saturday night. He was changing the diaper of his 5-month-old daughter when he keeled over dead. Needless to say this came as a shock to all of us. David was 40 years old.

Now we are trying to figure out how we go forward from here. Obviously we have to, but I don’t know how. Among others, one quandary I find myself in is: what do I say to CJE’s mom and step-dad, John, who was David’s dad. Words cannot express the sorrow in my heart for them and for all the family.

For the past two years I have been dwelling and lamenting often on the fact that my son, Liam, will never know or even remember his Granddad Wayne, my dad, who died in 2008. Now we are faced with the horrible reality that Sophia, David’s little girl, will never know or remember her own daddy who died when she was just 5 months old. The best was yet to come and now he won’t be here to see her walk or run. He’ll never hear her first words or her laughter. It makes me unbelievably sad.

Events like these make me question God’s plan. I know he has one, but what could possibly be the justification for taking someone like David? This is someone who was on the cusp of a brilliant career, who had just purchased a home and leaves behind his wife and this beautiful little girl. We pray unceasingly for God’s will in our lives, but when something like this happens it shakes our faith to the very core.

I don’t have any answers. Most days I’m not even sure what the questions should be.

Shortly after my dad died I purchased a little magnet which is now hanging on my front door. On it is a quote from St John Chrysostom. I read it every day and most days it gives me some comfort. It reads: “Those whom we love and lose are no longer where they were before. They are now wherever we are.”

1 comment:

Odie Langley said...

Janie words cannot express how sorry I am for your loss. It is also so easy to loose faith in or not trust God at this moment in time. Please don't because there is no doubt that He does work in our lives and everyone involved in this situation will come out of it stronger than before. It of course is sad that the child won't know her dad just like it was unfortunate that my middle daughter was born one month after my dad died in 1974. I have been where you are and felt as you feel but have always realized later that I was underestimating our God that loves us and has a greater plan. I know you hurt and I hurt along with you my friend but don't give up on God please. Take care & I'll catch up with you later.