Birthday IS the theme

Since when do little kids' birthday parties have to cost as much as a wedding? Or a new car? Or a second mortgage? Not in this household. Not as long as I’m the Mommy.

I was asked by a couple of people this week what the theme for Liam’s birthday party was. Theme? I thought birthday was a theme. He’s three, can’t that be the theme?

We are having friends over for brats on the grill, multiple salads, cake, ice cream and presents. How’s this for a theme: good food, good friends.

I am not made of money. If, for his three-year party, I rent a bouncy house, water slide and Bozo the clown, all of which he is scared of by the way, when does it end? When he turns 18 will I be renting a limousine and Bimbo the girl from the corner of 2nd & main?

I just don’t think this is something I want to get into. I do not feel the need to keep up with the Joneses. I am too old and too smart for this sort of nonsense. If there comes a time when Liam feels truly slighted by his Mother’s inability to play these games, he and I will sit down and have a discussion about economics 101.

I briefly considered calling the local humane society to find out if they would be willing to underwrite the party if I promised to send every kid home with a puppy. Wouldn’t that be a great theme? It would solve a lot of problems in one fell swoop. I could throw the most elaborate pet-themed party imaginable at no cost to us. Any number of sad little homeless puppies would find new homes. It is a win-win solution.

A friend suggested perhaps a garden theme wherein all the guests could apply themselves to my weedy flowerbeds. Not bad. Bring your own gloves.

In short, I think birthdays as an enterprise is the height of ridiculousness. When Liam starts to feel slighted, if he can’t understand the concepts of economics 101, he is perfectly welcome to break his own piggy bank to finance the theme, however, tapping into the college fund will not be tolerated.