"String too short to use"

10) It’s Thursday; we won’t speak of it again. Right?

9) I have not worked today, which is great, except that I should have which is bad. See, guilt, it’s not just for Catholics anymore.

8) We are leaving tomorrow morning for BF to see my folks. Which is both a good thing and the pits. That five hour drive is not much fun when it costs you three times as much as it used to. It is also not much fun with a 15 month old who refuses to sleep in the car. But it will be good to see Mom and Dad. Dad is doing well according to Mom. I am going to go and see for myself.

7) I have day care lined up for one afternoon and one morning each week; starting next week. I only need 8 hours total and I found someone I know and trust. Yeah!

6) Liam woke me too early this morning and I have been dragon-butt all day.

5) It is a beautiful day, a bit warm for my tastes, but probably one of the last of the summer. The A/C kicked on for the first time in over a week. I am so looking forward to cooler weather. (Sorry, Mags!)

4) I had to buy a new set of sheets. I discovered a couple days ago, my favorite set of sheets is so old we have literally worn holes in it. We have a backup set, but I don’t like them. I bought them as a set and the pillowcases aren’t the same shade of green as the sheets. Weird. They all came in the same package, but no matchy. That’s probably anal with a capital A. Isn’t it?

3) One of the six goldfish in the pond in our front yard jumped out overnight and died. He was just lying on the edge of the pond this morning. Dead. Very strange. I’ve had these fish for several winters now and never had anything quite like this happen. Makes me say: Hummm?

2) I think myself and the Disney Movie Club have reached an understanding. That being the case, I will attempt not to bad mouth them again. That is, of course, provided they don’t screw up again.

1) Liam and I take turns chasing one another through the house on our hands and knees. He giggles and laughs until he ‘bout falls over. There is nothing in the world like baby laughter. It makes all this worthwhile.

“String too short to use”

When my Grandmother was no longer able to care for herself, my mom and her siblings helped her move into an assisted living facility in my hometown. In the process of moving her and cleaning her house readying it to sell, they came across a box labeled “String too short to use.” In the box was small bits of string, which were indeed, too short to use. We have had many a laugh over this at my Grandmother’s expense. None of us can figure out what she had in mind when she labeled the box and started this collection.

However, the quote itself is masterful and I have been yearning to use it for something. Therefore, my “Ten on Tuesday” will forevermore be entitled: “String too short to use.” After all little of it is likely to be of any use, or much of it is unlikely to be of any use, or not much of it will be useful, or I doubt you’ll be able to make use of any of it or . . .whatever; here goes:

1) Help! My son is 2½ feet tall and weighs 22 pounds, yet he makes more laundry than Chris and I together!?

2) I have told the kindly computer from the extended warranty place in every way I can think of that I don’t want to extend the warranty on my car, yet my “last call” keeps coming in about once a week.

3) After turning my office completely upside down today, Liam is down for the night. Bless his little heart. He cracks me up, even when he is into everything and being rotten.

4) I made the mistake of joining Disney Movie Club for Liam. What a colossal disaster that has turned out to be. I exchanged a movie for a different one, but they credited my account and never sent me the one I really want. Then they sent me another movie I did not order and do not want. Yike!

5) After having such a stellar Monday a couple weeks ago, yesterday was crap. I spent well over an hour searching for $200. Not the cash mind you, just on paper. It’s what I do and mostly I love it, but some days . . . Grrrr!

6) Football season is coming, color me happy! I have projects lining up waiting for those long Sunday afternoons. Picture me rubbing my hands together in anticipatory glee!

7) Why do mom’s drive minivans? Is there a law on the books I am unaware of? Am I in danger of being pulled over because I have a 14-month old in shades riding in a car seat in the back of my Mustang convertible?

8) It was a beautiful day today. The rain last night cleared the air and cooled us off. Nice.

9) My auto dealer client is driving me crazy. It’s one of those “lack of planning/preparation on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.” I started working with him in June and he had had nothing done since opening the dealership in January and now he wants to be in real time by the end of August. Not gonna happen. Cost accounting takes time and I don’t work more than 20-25 hours a week. Wanna find someone else? Be my guest.

10) I thank the God that made me for my life, my loving husband and our little boy. Every day.

Awesome

Nothing in the world is as sweet as holding a sleeping baby.

Nothing else plucks at your heart strings like the feeling of a little warm, sweaty body snuggling up to you, a tiny curl-covered head on your shoulder.

I’ve never considered myself a “kid person.” Everyone has told me, “It’s different when it’s your own.” You know what? They’re right.

You just can’t beat the feeling. My thoughts become tangled. Even after almost 15 months of having Liam complicating our lives, I am struck anew by awe. Every baby is a miracle, but this is one I live with every day.

He loves me. Of course, I doubt he knows it yet, but his smile lights up the room when he sees me walk in, and that’s enough proof of it for me.

When I hold him I feel protective. It becomes paramount that his world is secure.

And yet . . . I can see ahead to a more independent time. It warms my heart to think of the man he will become and the role I can play in getting him there. It is an awesome responsibility, but it will be a gradual transition, and is not overwhelming. This make me happy, sad and thoughtful.

My life has undergone a revolution in the past two years. It has not been easy. In fact, at times it has been both physically and mentally painful. I suspect it will continue to be so.

Conversion to motherhood for a personality such as I has resulted in plenty of frustration and tears. I can’t speak for anyone else, but the current lack of solitude and organization in my life has caused me to lose some of my hair, and I suspect, some of my mind.

Adjustment to change has never been a smooth road for me, but these precious moments of holding a sleeping baby certainly help me to keep perspective and make it all worthwhile.

Busy Boy

Liam . . . spins office chairs and runs them over his fingers . . . swings every door in the house; bathrooms, cupboards, closets, and the front door . . . opens and closes drawers over and over and over . . . slides the keyboard shelf in and out, in and out; makes typing interesting . . . pushes the buttons on the front of the CPU; the computer shuts down almost immediately . . . sticks his whole hand in the slot on the VCR and through the door on the CD player . . . races up and down the stairs on all fours; as fast (or faster) than I can on two legs . . . cruises around every stick of furniture in the house . . . finds the dirtiest (hidden) corner of the house to play in . . . climbs over anything and everything on the floor; including me . . . laughs when I dance and/or sing; yes, apparently it is that bad . . . chases the dog and cats.

How was your day, Dear?

Just one more day and Liam and I will have survived this week without Chris.

You know in my LBL (life before Liam) I never minded being on my own for a few days or even a week, but these days I am no longer “alone.” There is no solitude when you have a 14-month old in the house. Even during nap time, he is “gone,” but not really. Don’t get me wrong, I love the little blighter, but, wow, he is so busy. Even asleep he never stops moving. It is a full time job just to keep his covers over him.

I will be a relief to have another adult in the house again, someone who can speak in complete sentences and who uses words I can understand. Not to mention someone who is willing to change a diaper or hold a baby spoon or bottle at the appropriate times.

I miss Chris more now when he is away than I used to. Perhaps it is because of Liam, but I feel there is more to it than that. After 20 years Chris is such a part of my life, such a part of me. I have long considered myself a strong, independent person, whole in my own right. And I am, but still there is a little empty spot that aches when he is away. Life goes on. I do the things Janie is supposed to do. No one would ever guess there is anything amiss. But I yearn to share my day to day happenings with Chris, that trivia of existence that no one else knows or cares about. I know the ramblings of my daily minutiae will be of interest to him.

The mere question “How was your day, Dear?” becomes paramount.

Good Monday

I don’t know how it happened, but I've had a good Monday.

It all started this morning when I slept in until 7:00 and Liam slept in until 8:00. That’s some kind of record for him. But we have had two very busy, crazy weeks in a row, and it must have just finally caught up with him.

I was able to leave Liam at Kid Kare while I worked for a couple of hours and he only got just a little bit whiney a couple of times. It was not enough for them to page me!

I got groceries and it was actually an almost pleasant experience. I found everything I needed and although the lines were long, the people in them were friendly and charming. Liam and I played silly games with the items in our cart until he was laughing like crazy. There is nothing in this world as wonderful to my ears as Liam’s laughter.

All of this enabled Liam to skip his morning nap.

After lunch we played on a blanket on the front lawn in the shade for about 45 minutes. He stands up and walks while holding on now. He climbed all over me when I got on the blanket with him. He giggled as we wrestled around and played. He is at such a fun age now.

By 2:00 he was ready for a good long nap, and that is where he is now. I did a couple hours of work for one of my “at home” clients, cooked some carrots to mash up for baby, and am now trying to catchup on myspace and here.

Liam will be waking soon for dinner, and tonight will be bath night because last night we were just too tired. He loves his bath, so that will be fun. He will be a splashing little froggie, which always makes me laugh.

As the phone has not rung, I can assume all is well with my Dad and in Mexico.

At the end of the day, to top it all off, Liam let me snuggle him after he took his final bottle before bed. We rocked and I sang to him until he fell asleep. He's not a very cuddly baby, so this was a very special moment.

Yes, it has been a good Monday.

I don’t know . . .

. . . who I am.

. . . what to think, what to do or what is next.

. . . where I am going.

. . . when my life will be normal.

. . . why I’m here.

. . . how I feel.

Living La Vida Loca

I hardly know where to begin.

The third full week of July, while Chris was off playing camp counselor, Liam and I spent with my parents in northern Idaho. It was the perfect opportunity for Grandparent time. The three of them had a ball. I had an nice, if exhausting, time, but I will always be grateful that we spent that week with them.

That Friday afternoon, my dad felt ill, but he said he had been welding and had probably inhaled some bad fumes. On Saturday Liam and I left for home. Chris arrived home about 20 minutes behind us. Good timing!

I spent the first three days of last week working like crazy trying to catchup for the week I was gone. Then on Wednesday my dad was airlifted to the hospital. He had not inhaled fumes, he had had a heart attack. An angioplasty and stent procedure was performed. He lost some heart muscle because he waited so long to go in, but although recovery will be long, he should be OK.

Very scary.

Needless to say, Liam and I spent the remainder of that week in the Spokane area, running back and forth between Chris’ mom’s place and the hospital. Chris was unable to go with us because he had to leave Saturday for Mexico.

Liam and I got home yesterday evening. We were both exhausted and very thankful to be home. We are hoping to remain here for awhile!

Aaargh! (This is me tearing my hair out.)