Just one more day and Liam and I will have survived this week without Chris.
You know in my LBL (life before Liam) I never minded being on my own for a few days or even a week, but these days I am no longer “alone.” There is no solitude when you have a 14-month old in the house. Even during nap time, he is “gone,” but not really. Don’t get me wrong, I love the little blighter, but, wow, he is so busy. Even asleep he never stops moving. It is a full time job just to keep his covers over him.
I will be a relief to have another adult in the house again, someone who can speak in complete sentences and who uses words I can understand. Not to mention someone who is willing to change a diaper or hold a baby spoon or bottle at the appropriate times.
I miss Chris more now when he is away than I used to. Perhaps it is because of Liam, but I feel there is more to it than that. After 20 years Chris is such a part of my life, such a part of me. I have long considered myself a strong, independent person, whole in my own right. And I am, but still there is a little empty spot that aches when he is away. Life goes on. I do the things Janie is supposed to do. No one would ever guess there is anything amiss. But I yearn to share my day to day happenings with Chris, that trivia of existence that no one else knows or cares about. I know the ramblings of my daily minutiae will be of interest to him.
The mere question “How was your day, Dear?” becomes paramount.
11 hours ago